Back to Moscow by Guillermo Erades

Author:Guillermo Erades [Erades, Guillermo]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781471149306
Publisher: Scribner UK

32

LENA WAS NOT REPLYING to my messages or phone calls. As the days got colder and darker, I started to accept that she was no longer there, at the other end of the phone, waiting for my call.

Something strange happened to me. Now, when I was alone at home trying to watch a film, I would picture Lena lying at my side. Often, I would find myself staring at the Indian tapestry she’d given me, or at the empty couch, exchanging words with an imaginary Lena – comments about whatever I was watching: this is funny, ridiculous, I don’t get it – then trying to imagine what Lena would have said in return.

Perhaps these divagations of my mind were due to the fact that, precisely at that time, I’d started to sleep badly. Regardless of when I went to sleep, even after a long vodka night, I would wake up early in the morning. As soon as I regained the smallest spark of consciousness – an awareness of who I was and where I was – my brain would be bombarded with dozens of fresh thoughts that grew out of control and then I couldn’t get back to sleep. Lying on the couch, my eyes open, I often ended up thinking about Lena.

I also thought about Lena after a bad night out, when I hadn’t met any promising girls and it was time to go home. As the music in the last club of the night stopped and the lights went on, and people gathered on the street, and new couples kissed, and phone numbers were exchanged, and taxis were shared – as the night was ending and a new Moscow day was about to begin – I would stand alone in the street and think about Lena. But I would not think about the drama or the tears. I would think about her body and I would visualise the exact moment when she unfastened her bra for the first time and offered her perfect breasts to me. This vivid image would produce a sharp pain in my chest. The night gone, I would take a taxi home, crash on my couch and wank myself to sleep.

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